Johnthan Speed stars in: “The Real World.”

Greetings, all.

Being a grown-up kind of sucks. I mean, there are bills, payments, apartment searches, failed job interviews and all that. Heck, I barely have time to just chill and do nothing anymore (ed. note — that’s good, though. At least I don’t sit around watching TV, getting fat and recording tons of songs I’ll never release). I guess that’s what I get for graduating on time . But, really, though. It seems that the more “real” that life becomes, the more it turns into some sort of scripted television show for the amusement of the Almighty. I have had more wacky adventures related to work and “real life” than I ever had growing up in the wild-and-crazy-kid zone known as the University of Maryland.

For instance, during my first week of work (ed. note — I work as an admin assistant for a department in the University of Maryland), my train broke down before it even left the station. So, I had to call around to ask for a ride. Little did I know, my folks—who, in their old age(s), watch almost nothing but the news, CSI repeats, and gardening programs—were right there in about 10 minutes talking about some “come on.” I mean, of course I said “ok.” I’m not going to turn down a ride that’ll take about an hour for a train that didn’t come until 15-20 minutes after I left.

That weekend, I went out with some friends and witnessed one of the biggest brouhahas that didn’t have a horse being punched and students knocked out. Anytime that Cluck-U 2Pac aka Lee Majors has to come out and settle things down, you know that you’ve just witnessed history. Well, at least for College Park, where your 21st birthday celebration must either end or begin at either Bentley’s or Cornerstone/The Vous (for you oldheads out there). But, ironically enough, for as big of a brouhaha as it was, there were no punches thrown (thankfully?).

In addition to these little snippets of my post-grad life (ed. note — did anyone actually see that movie?) there are the random “enemies” that pop up, the elixirs that people I’ve come in contact with concoct with various types of drinks that’ll (supposedly) give them mystical powers when barhopping, the weird sound effects that accompany my life now (copy machines, transferred call chimes, FedEx delivery tablets, etc.), the sorta head-strong best friend with a heart of gold, and so on. I swear, my life is becoming less “real” and more “Scott Pilgrim” (ed. note — WHO IS TIRED OF MICHAEL CERA PLAYING THE SAME CHARACTER IN EVERY MOVIE?) by the second. All I need is a 1UP icon and my transformation will be complete. It’s like this: even with all the wild, crazy randomness that stuck with me through the last four years, I’m quickly realizing that it only gets wilder and crazier and more random the older you get. I’ve even thought about changing my blog title to “The Real World: College Park” or “The Real World: Johnthan Speed,” but MTV would probably sue me faster than people started suing Apple and AT&T for the iPhone 4

Ah, well. At least I’m employed and making the world a better place, one textbook order at a time. And, with this said, I guess that it’s safe to say that…”The Journeys of Speed” is (are?) back.

-Johnthan

BONUS: Here’s a rare video from a 2005 Monday Night Football game featuring narration from Lee Majors, the aforementioned “Cluck-U Pac.”