Johnthan drops: some personal thoughts

Greetings, all.

A boy will argue you up and down, and the whole nine yards. A man, while he still may argue, will admit that he’s wrong and that he needs to get his s*** together. Unfortunately, I guess that I’m still in that awkward teen phase of it all. I always say that I’m grown up, I’m on my grown man s*** or whatever, but I don’t show it as often as I say it. Like, I have this girlfriend, quite possibly the greatest thing in the world to me. And, I always say that I’m on my grown man tip, but I end up sputtering halfway through. Some things, I’ll only deal with when she’s mad–and honestly, that’s not the way that it should be. If I’m really as “grown man” as I say that I am, I should always admit fault, and do something about it–not just sit there talking about “I’m working on it.”

F***, man. I’m tired of “working on it.” I want to do it. But, I guess, in order to do that, I have to step back a little bit and reevaluate my approach. Because, it’s obvious that the one that I’m giving this girl isn’t the one that she deserves. It’s not completely half-assed, but–admittedly–it could be so much better. I guess that the biggest problem for me is taking initiative with the relationship. But, for real, that’s always been a problem; it stems back to me taking the initiative and being completely s*** on by quite a few people. I know, I know. My GF is my heart, and I should trust that she won’t do the same (hell, she’d probably applaud me). But, I don’t know. There’s still that reservation. But, again, if I’m going to be on my grown man tip, I need to get over that BS and just say/do whatever I need to say/do to make things work. If we’re in the apartment bored brainless, I should be like “hey, let’s do such and such.” And, even if she says no, I should be able to be like “hey, maybe we could do this and that instead.”

Ah, the trials of growing up. You think that you’re over them, and it turns out that you’re just as immature as the rest of the men on this planet (and, guys, no matter how “mature” we claim we are, WE CAN DO BETTER). But, the thing that’ll separate me is love. I love this girl so much that I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work. I mean, I’ve already proposed to her and she accepted, so it’s obvious I’m doing something right. I just need to do more of that and less of the boyish crap that I tend to do.

So, to “The Wifey,” I’m going to do better. As the internet as my witness, I’m going to do better, because I love you and I don’t want to lose you for anything.

-Johnthan Speed